Tag Team 2017/2018

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Mon Sep 18, 2017 5:57 am

Tag Team Classic GW5
Crompton and Rinky are joined at the top by Talcy and Schlocky. Their scores of 126 and 131 leave both sitting proudly on 546.

Sheffy and Yorkie got the highest score of the week and equalled the highest in the comp so far. Their 146 sees the Pigeon Bobbers snatch third place, but they're 31 points behind the leaders.

Hanging onto that third place may not be easy as two teams are within three points of them - Slarty and Vid are on 513 and Yani and Timmsy on 512.

All other teams are below 500, Devilsweep and Nuttie being the closest on 483. In last place, Mintman keeps up his remarkable consistency with a fourth consecutive score in the 20s which helps propel himself and Weeman to 111 points behind the leaders. :clap2:

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby notbigsheff » Mon Sep 18, 2017 11:16 pm

slarty wrote:Tag Team Classic GW5


Sheffy and Yorkie got the highest score of the week and equalled the highest in the comp so far. Their 146 sees the Pigeon Bobbers snatch third place, but they're 31 points behind the leaders.

Hanging onto that third place may not be easy as two teams are within three points of them - Slarty and Vid are on 513 and Yani and Timmsy on 512.


no danger, this is the year of the pigeon bobber :agree1: :winners:

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Tue Sep 19, 2017 5:43 am

Tag Team Jarrow March GW5 9th
Crompton and Rinky start the long journey back after their two disastrous high-scoring weeks. They get to within three kilometres of their GW2 distance from Athens and decide to stop off for the week at Lichfield. Birthplace of utter coont, Samuel Johnson, Lichfield's main claim to fame seems to be it's three-pronged cathedral in celebration of the Devil's trident.
In 1863 the locals turned their back on God after their prayers to be moved away from Birmingham went unanswered and knocked up Beelzebub's Basilica in three days. Crompton's first reaction upon seeing this architectural wonder was, "Wouldn't like one of them up me arse".
Despite being the most boring place outside of Cambridgeshire, Lichfield has one redeeeming feature, an annual Miss Lichfield contest (though you obviously have to be a member of the local coven to enter).
Crompton and Rinky have a tough job ahead
as guest judges for Miss Lichfield 2017

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Tue Sep 19, 2017 7:00 am

Tag Team Jarrow March GW5 8th
Slarty and Vid leave the Princess Gummidge Memorial behind and head off in the right direction, finally stopping off at Peterborough. Yes it's fking Cambridgeshire again, so lay off the mogadon.
Designed to be the worst city in Britain, Peterborough narrowly lost out to 50 others and today its main claim to fame is being home to Jimmy Savile in the 1990s. As a result it is almost never called P-town.
Peterborough is unique amongst cities called Peterborough in having its cathedral named after local medieval minstrels, Peter, Paul and Andrew whose "Leaving on a Dung Cart" topped the charts for three centuries.
If that doesn't serve as enough warning, you can find the bikini pics of Miss Peterborough 2016 here.

Viddleodge seeks temporary blindness
before entering Peterborough

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Tue Sep 19, 2017 9:52 pm

Tag Team Jarrow March GW5 7th
Mintman and Weeman failed in their attempt to cross the channel, but seem certs to do so next week. This week they travelled from lovely Milton Keynes to Greenwich, a place where everyone goes elsewhere to enjoy themselves.
Visitors to Greenwich's Fan Museum are known to the locals as "Fannies", and a violent mugger of said visitors is a "Fanny Batter" (not to be confused with the Yorkshire delicacy).

A fanny

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Wed Sep 20, 2017 10:46 pm

Six teams have crossed the channel to Europe's most interesting country in a mass homage to Plastic Bertrand, so let's meet the first/last of them.
Tag Team Jarrow March GW5 6th
The Pigeon Bobbers got lucky with their high-score as it only applied to the remaining distance after crossing the channel. Despite this, they still managed to drop one place by goose-stepping southwest from Antwerp to Ghent
Apart from being the home city of sometime defensive gingar, Kevin De Bruyne, Ghent is most famous for having a Primark store. If you want to know how long you have to wait until the store opens just click here.
Token Totty Time
An entrant to Miss Gent -
can't understand why she didn't win,
given the competition...

Spoiler:
Image

Sheffy and Yorkie having a tense, "Don't fancy yours" moment

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:57 am

Tag Team Jarrow March GW5 5th
Swapping places with the Bobbers are Clammers and Feets who scraped together enough points to cross the channel, but not enough to go any further. Yes they're in Antwerp, Europe's second largest port and we all know what ports are famous for don't we?
That's right, lingerie fairs. After five weeks on the road Feets decided it was time to break off his old Bill Grundies and invest in something more becoming for a trip to Athens
Feets makes some new friends
in the accessorise-your-undies section


Clammers tries out a skidmark
remover at the fair

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Fri Sep 22, 2017 9:10 am

Tag Team Jarrow March GW5 3rd
In joint third place we have Avit and Pottster together with last week's leaders, Devilsweep and Nuttie. They've all arrived safely in Mechelen, one-time residence of some headless royal and home to the museum of mad art. Strangely enough, the museum contains a painting of one of our marcher's forefathers :shock:
Jan Weewinkel - "The Temptation of St Avit"

Sweep tries to scrape a dead waif off his boot
while Nuttie (training bra left) looks on

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Fri Sep 22, 2017 4:26 pm

Tag Team Jarrow March GW5 1st
In joint first place we have Yani and Timmsy together with Talcy and Schlocky, who are having a very good week. Both pairs have dragged themselves into Leuven, birthplace and home of Stella (you'd never guess from that video).
Leuven is famous its Humpendecobbles Festival,
not to be confused with the minimum wage bike parking slots


Timmsy wakes up to the realisation that he didn't really
find the Chatteris with last night's drunken conquest


Meanwhile Schlocky had parked his bike
in an unsuspecting Leuven student



Looks like the 2000km barrier might be busted by a few next week


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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Tue Sep 26, 2017 1:44 am

Tag Team Classic GW6
The battle between last week's joint leaders narrowly went to Talcy and Schlocky, mainly thanks to the latter fluking this week's high score of 69. Crompton and Rinky haven't given up though and are just three points behind on 668.
Sheffy's confidence about holding onto last week's third spot wasn't misplaced - the Bobbers had the highest team score for the second week running and narrowed the gap to 28 points. Another ten weeks of that should see them go top.
Yani and Timmsy climbed one spot to fourth place, hardly surprising given that place-swappees, Vid and Slarty, were one of only two teams scoring below 100. Their fifth place 643 is fairly secure though as no other teams have breached the 600 mark.
You can probably guess the other sub-hundred scorers, but another honourable mention must go to Mintman who broke out of the twenties doldrums with a 45. Green shoots, or did he play his Joker? Tune in next week to find out.

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby tso » Tue Sep 26, 2017 6:12 am

:relaxed:

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Tue Sep 26, 2017 7:08 pm

Tag Team Jarrow March GW6 9th
Crompton and Rinky hold on to ninth place, but not by much. They leave Samuel Utter coont Johnson behind and speed off to Aylesbury. Aylesbury's main claim to fame is calling Bill Grundy a "Dirty fücker" after seeing that review of the town, a whole four years before the Sex Pistols. Aylesbury is also famous for the semi-mythical Aylesbury Duck, a bizarre creature with the head of a duck, the body of a duck and the feet of a duck.

Gratuitous totty or insane Aylesbury duck hunter?

"Which one do you fancy Cromps old chap?"
"Eider one"

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Wed Sep 27, 2017 1:28 am

Tag Team Jarrow March GW6 8th
Just 18km ahead lie Slarty and Vid in the boring market town of Chesham, but at least it's at the end of a tube line so escape is easy. Chesham is home to 20000 humans and 150,000 ducks, all ducknapped from nearby Aylesbury. The E**lish Civil war started in Chesham after Prince Rupert arrived from Aylesbury in search of his favourite mallard, only to discover that it had been beheaded as a Royalist lackey after quacking for brioche.

Gratuitous totty or totally fuckin mental ducknapper?

Vid and Slarty get caught molesting
ducks by a plain-clothes parkie

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Wed Sep 27, 2017 3:01 am

Tag Team Jarrow March GW6 6th
Mintman and Weeman managed to cross the channel this week and have marched into the university town of Leuven, no doubt inspired by last week's Stella-driven bare arses (this week's one is at 5:00 for anyone interested Image). Nothing much has changed in Leuven since last week, so let's move on to sixth.

Mintman later succumbed to temptation
and bought a hot dog


Weeman scores with a Leuven student
doing a masters in food consumption



[edit] Ooops! fked that up, Mintman and weeman are actually 6th,but everything else is fine. Let's move on to seventh (I think) ;pray:
Last edited by slarty on Wed Sep 27, 2017 5:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby Yorkshire Exile » Wed Sep 27, 2017 7:56 am

slarty wrote:Tag Team Jarrow March GW6 7th

Weeman scores with a Leuven student
doing a masters in food consumption


:lol:

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby Ianovich » Wed Sep 27, 2017 11:07 pm

Cracking pic :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :titter:

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Thu Sep 28, 2017 3:19 am

Look it was 3am and I was distracted by the bare arse distracted by weeman's burd tired ok :doh:
Tag Team Jarrow March GW6 7th
The Pigeon Bobbers failed to count their blessings after last week's lucky escape. They top-scored again and this time headed off in a NNE direction for the full distance and down another place. They've crossed the wrong border and may well be heading for Oslo, as predicted by Nostraslartus. However they've decided to call a halt for this week at the Dutch city of Zoetermeer (bikini-clad lunatics at 5:00 Biggles), to pay homage at the birthplace of Leroy Fer.
Apart from Leroy, there's nothing much for Zietermeer to shout about...hold that result! Just found this under the heading, "Miss Wett Verkiezing met Nomi, mij en Chana in Zoetermeer" which google translates as "Gratuitous totty unrelated to ducknapping"


Yorkie after ignoring the warnings about
Miss Wett's mental octopus boyfriend
Last edited by slarty on Thu Sep 28, 2017 7:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Thu Sep 28, 2017 5:48 am

Tag Team Jarrow March GW6 5th
Slipping back to fifth this week due to a poor choice of direction are Yani and Timmsy. It was the latter's insistence on finally using the compass in his 50yo Wayfinders which led to their demise. They've arrived in Germany at a place called Nettetal instead of the specialist gentleman's outfitter yani was looking for, Fishnetts et al. Nettetal is more of a confederation of villages than a town, but all is not lost for yani. The largest of them, Lobberich, was famous for lace-making.
Nettetal is twinned with Fenland in fking Cambridgeshire, so let's hope for more riotous carnivals where they wheel out the dead. Yep

In Nettetal Sheriff Rednose arrests anyone suspected
of being in possession of an age under 40


Timmsy impresses on yani that if Ebadoun
hadn't cast a Wayfinder, it would
have found the exit to the stalls

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby Yorkshire Exile » Thu Sep 28, 2017 9:33 am

Me and Sheffy so confident of a win now we are going via Sweden....

Sheffy interviewed at 7mins in. .....

No I can't understand the south Yorkshire accent either.

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:06 am

I'd have sworn that was the pair of you in the tent 30 seconds later :doh:

The interviewer seems to be an unemployed gout counsellor judging by the number of times she says it. I bet she's one of these folks our mothers warned us about, trying to get a look at your feet with offers of sweets and puppies.

As for Sweden, that's an insa...err interesting tactic. Three more top scores combined with a lot of luck and you may even make it. A word of warning though - in Sweden, it's the men who make the sandwiches (pretty obvious in hindsight given the state of them). :grin:

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Fri Sep 29, 2017 6:41 am

Tag Team Jarrow March GW6 4th
Slipping down to fourth due to their southerly route are Talcy and Schlocky. Rumours are rife that the latter was trying to head for the nearby town of Saint-Quentin where he would feel more at home, but Talcy managed to grab his bootlaces and steer him eastward. They've ended up in the French commune of Charleville-Mézières (oh god yes, yes, keep talking... :mort: ), aka "The World Capital of Puppetry Arts" and is home to The International Puppetry Institute.

Quite what they're going to make of Schlocky's show, based on that of his fellow Aussies Morley and Friend, remains to be seen. I suspect another week behind bars will be awaiting our meat-manipulating marcher.

Schlocky thought an insane haircut
might divert attention away from his act...


...and it worked! "Sacre bleu! Qu'est-ce que c'est?"

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby Ianovich » Fri Sep 29, 2017 6:45 pm

where are we actually trying to get to :dunno:

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Fri Sep 29, 2017 7:24 pm

Tag Team Jarrow March GW6 3rd
Sneaking up two places in their new panties are Clammers and Feets who were just one point short of making it the first joint top-scorer week. A big score and good direction see them move into Germany, but only just. They've ended the week in Herzogenrath, one of these weird places where the border with the Netherlands runs down the centre of a road (and if you think that was boring, you should have seen the carnival).

Token Totty Trio


Clammers badly misjudged the local attire

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Fri Sep 29, 2017 11:50 pm

Tag Team Jarrow March GW6 1st
Nope it's not another miscount. This week we have joint leaders, Sweep and Nuttie, Avit and Pottster, take a bow you spawny bastards. They're still in Belgium, but following an almost perfect south-easterly course to Marche-en-Famenne. I always wondered what happened to the losing x-factor auditionists, now I know. Looks like yani missed this one, it's got a lace museum and not much else apart from a Great Beast Festival. Oh yeah, it's also got a Military Run, which surprisingly enough isn't a war re-enactment.

Sweep and Nuttie try to stage their
Glenn Miller Tribute at the festival


"Fück off! I'm trying to have a shit" said Avit, after his
strangulated cries won him Best Male Singer at the festival





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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby Schlocky » Sat Sep 30, 2017 3:09 am

just read the whole lot, brilliant :clap2: :agree1:

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby Schlocky » Sat Sep 30, 2017 3:14 am

Ianovich wrote:where are we actually trying to get to :dunno:



Athens


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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Sat Sep 30, 2017 3:51 am

Schlocky wrote:
Ianovich wrote:where are we actually trying to get to :dunno:



Athens



The rules are on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet, stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying “Beware of the Gingar”.

Alternatively the online version is here

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby Pottster » Sat Sep 30, 2017 11:26 am

Love this, I keep reading my name but to be honest I've lost all track since Ripon, me and Avit appear to be on a magical mystery tour :lol: :albino:

i think I need some drugs before I have my next read :biker:

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Sat Sep 30, 2017 1:16 pm

Pottster wrote:...i think I need some drugs before I have my next read :biker:


Noooo! It's your turn to take a shit next week :bog:

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Tue Oct 03, 2017 1:23 am

Tag Team Classic GW7
Crompton and Rinky bodyslam last week's leaders into the canvas and snatch the lead in what was a poor-scoring week for them (only their second score below 100).
Talcy and Schlocky may be currently looking up the shorts of this week's leaders, but as they're only two points behind on 761 it all could change next week.
Yani and Timmsy outscore The Bobbers by 16 points to snatch third place on 747, with The Yorkists five points adrift.
The only other team to break 700 are this week's high-scorers, Sweep and Nuttie, whose 132 points takes them to 726 and earns them a mention.
Also earning a mention, but for all the wrong reasons, is Mintman. Yes the fantasy gods have shat on him once again and poured paraquat on his green shoots of recovery. A personal season low of 23 almost caught yani's gw3 score, but not quite. Keep trying!

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Tue Oct 03, 2017 3:22 am

Tag Team Jarrow March GW7 8th
Inspired by tales of the lingerie fair, our joint last two teams tailored their scoring so they could reach Antwerp with not an energy bar to spare. Crompton and Rinky, together with their fellow stragglers, Slarty and Vid, have made it onto the continent at last.
So what's left to say about Antwerp? Apparently since the 17th century, it has been customary for travellers to help readjust the breasts of the local wenches, but forehand approaches are frowned upon, especially by the catwalk judges at the lingerie fair.

Rinky demonstrates the backhand realignment technique
whilst Crompton, Slarty and Vid argue over who pissed
in the wine jug


Slarty and Vid discover the over-the-shoulder technique
is also acceptable, as Crompton tries out his latest
upskirting strategy

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Tue Oct 03, 2017 11:32 pm

Tag Team Jarrow March GW7 7th
Still recovering from their two top-scoring weeks, The Pigeon Bobbers remain in seventh place. This week they've arrived in Arnhem. Twinned with Airdrie, Coventry and Croydon, Arnhem is the municipal equivalent of women infatuated with lifers.
However, Arnhem's main claim to fame is commemorated in the Film "A Builder Too Far". Now seen as an early forerunner to Brexit, this was a 1940s attempt to clear the UK of Poles by the simple expedient of throwing them out of planes over the Dutch city.

Dutch homeowners, Guilders in hand, keenly await
the arrival of the 1st Polish Plumbing Brigade


Some Polish wives chose to accompany
their husbands to Arnhem, but many
could not afford to hire a parachute


Sheffy and Yorkie thought they'd
jump on the bandwagon and
advertise their building skills

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Thu Oct 05, 2017 12:00 am

Tag Team Jarrow March GW7 6th
Mintman and Weeman wave a fond farewell to the bare arses of Leuven, but can't do the same to sixth position. They've sauntered across the border into the Dangleberry region of the Netherlands and ended the week in Maastricht, probably after misreading an advert for its art festival, The KunstTour. Birthplace of the EU, the Euro and Boudewijn Zenden (all as a result of its coffee shops), Maastricht is another international university city - so are we going to see more bare arses?

Mintman taking care to avoid sunstroke
on his way to Naked Tuesday


Minty has to carry a shocked Weeman
back from their Naked Tuesday night
after one too many close encounters

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby Yorkshire Exile » Thu Oct 05, 2017 10:07 am

slarty wrote:
Sheffy and Yorkie thought they'd
jump on the bandwagon and
advertise their building skills


Bringing Yorkshire's dry stone walling to the continent.....

Not sure about sheffys Gary Neville top lip

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Re: Tag Team 2017/2018

Postby slarty » Thu Oct 05, 2017 6:24 pm

Yorkshire Exile wrote:...Not sure about sheffys Gary Neville top lip


I think he's beyond cairn :horse2:


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